My PMS & Feminism is mutually exclusive…& other disappointments

On the best of days you get up in the morning not giving a damn about what you will wear because you have stuff to do and life to live. But on some days (pms) you might get up feeling like you should take an effort because you feel sexy (a good mood swing). Then you wear the cute little top with cute little shorts and cute sneakers. Tired of having your hair pulled back for work in the lab, you let them lose in the wind today, and put just the right amount of makeup to make you feel incredibly confident to take on the world and be feminine along with being a feminist. Then you head out to the mall to try and put yourself out there for the world. But when you get to the bus stop, you spot the most beautiful (sorry for the objectification) woman you have ever laid eyes on.

On a normal day, you will not take any notice of people at the bus stop, but thanks to the PMS your mood has swung from saucy to subterranean lizard person, and there’s nothing you can do about it. It feels worse because you have taken the effort to look sexy for yourself. However, it turns out you wanted some eyeballs as well (not in a gross way (just slight side looks from (conventionally) good looking people). You wait for the bus while your inner lizard person hisses and stares at the stunning person in front of you without trying to creep them out.

Finally the bus arrives and you board. In deference to the beauty, the other folks at the stop simply fall in line behind her (rightly so). Unfortunately, she is still sitting across you and you still can’t get over how one person can look so…non-lizardy. No offence to lizard people but I am clearly talking about the Greek beauty standards and not our modern (evolved) definition of beauty which is about your personality, and being confident in your own body, etc. But sometimes every feminist is guilty of lowering their standards. Turns out PMS is when your feminism is at an all time low.

You only needed to buy one jeans because yours tore (because nothing lasts forever) but the mood has now officially changed from lizard person to “consumerism can set me free.” In trying to reduce your carbon footprint you hadn’t shopped for more than 8 months, so combined with pms you are having to conquer the “what the hell” effect as well. Thanks to your graduate student salary/life, wanting to buy stuff is not the same as having the money to buy stuff, so you leave the mall with only a handful of excessive stuff, but you’re still over-budget and disappointed in yourself. As if the disappointment in the world was not enough, you also find out that there is a big international student barbecue happening right in your yard and you were not privy to this information so you end up going back to your apartment feeling lonely and further disappointed about your decision to leave all social media to save yourself some unnecessary anxiety. Turns out trying to curtail FOMO has given you more FOMO as you sit in your house typing the blog and feeling disappointed in your disappointment, objectification of other people, overall lack of perspective, and blaming a bad day on your hormones.

Published by anubhutib

Graduate student in Finland navigating through PhD and trying to have some fun along the way.

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